Tenshi Thoughts
by Kuro-Tenshi Ariannel
Summary: Sorta AU-ish...Access's thoughts and feelings towards Fin, and what if he actually got the chance to tell her he loved her? One-shot, may have a sequel.


disclaimer: me no own. TT_TT but i would like Access.

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Access flew around lazily, waiting for Fin, Celcia, and Toki to come back from the human world. While he looked content, truth was, he was a nervous wreck on the inside. True, it was all right for angels to have a 'special someone' and was even encouraged when an angel found a 'special someone forever' (in other words, someone they'll love for the rest of eternity). And while it was all right to have the feeling of love towards another angel, and even encouraged, there was also the fact that while the angel's love lasted for eternity, it could also be unrequited for eternity. What happened from there was usually the angel's choice. And the reason Access was a nervous wreck...

He was in love. With Fin.

He was sure it had happened after Fin had her hair turn green. True, there had been something before that, but it was small enough Access could ignore it and not even give it a second thought. When her hair turned green, though, she had holed herself up in her room for days and wouldn't come out, no matter what. Nobody could get her out---not Toki, who had a crush on Fin as well (and who Fin may like back), not Celcia, who was the angel's best friend since they became angels, not anyone. And then Access came, practically breaking the door down while throwing compliments at the angel behind the door.

She came out then, holding the door opened enough for him, and only him, to look in while blushing. And she had asked him if he meant all the compliments he had been screaming at her door for the past half an hour (which was how long it took for her to open the door). He had grinned, a gentle grin that made her go a few shades darker, saying "Of course I meant them, Fin-chan, when do I say things that I don't mean?" She had smiled then, a true, bright smile that made him turn red as well, holding his hand out and asking her if she wanted to join him, Toki, and Celcia for a game. Fin smiled again, grabbing his hand and pulling him as she agreed. His blush deepened as she gripped his hand the entire way there.

When they had gotten back with their friends, however, Fin had turned around and completely ignored him, talking excitedly with Celcia and flirting with Toki. Access frowned as he realized that whatever moment he had just shared with Fin had been completely in his mind, because she only thought of him as a friend, and in her mind they would never be anything more.

That's when he first realized that he wanted something more from Fin, something more than friendship.

But she hardly looked at him that way, of course, and he, in his innocent love, wanted nothing more than to make her happy. So he distanced himself from her, Toki, and Celcia, forcing himself to get in trouble, always doing what he knew he shouldn't, like eating Pel Fruit when they weren't supposed to. All this did was make Fin meaner to him, though, and many times he forgot why he was doing the things he did, espcially when he watched her laugh and smile with Celcia.

When Toki started fliriting with Fin again, like he usually did, Access would scowl to himself. Toki, he believed, was lucky, because the shorter-haired angel had more of Fin's attention than he did, and his attention was usually good, while Access's attention from Fin was more "You're an idiot, Access, and you always get yourself in trouble, which is why you'll never get promoted." Access always argued back, of course, but his heart was never in the arguments and even though he looked furious when he flew off, he usually went to a Pel Fruit tree and sat against the trunk while sitting on one of the higher branches of the heavenly tree, closing his eyes and lamenting to himself.

Which is how Celcia found him one day, after a big argument with Fin. It was bigger than usual, with Fin actually insulting the darker-haired angel with venom, trying to hurt him with her words. Access had not defended himself the entire time she ranted and raved at him, choosing instead to stay silent, and while he flew off, Celcia had noticed the hurt look on his face. Worried about her friend, she glanced at Fin, who was glaring at the retreating angel, then smiled lightly. "Fin-chan," she had said that time, "Fin-chan, why did you say that to Access-chan?"And Fin, still glaring, simply "Hmph!" and turned away. Celcia went after Access and found him in a tree, his head in his hands, knees drawn up. When she touched his knee and he looked up, she saw the watery amber eyes of her friend and she said only one thing. "Unrequited love is hard, isn't it?"

He nodded, and Celcia encouraged him to confess. Access shook his head, saying childishly that he didn't want Fin to know because she liked Toki, and that was why she flirted with him, and if Fin knew his feelings, it would only trouble her because she couldn't feel the same way back. So, he finished, he didn't want Fin knowing and would Celcia please keep it a secret? Celcia, brows furrowed for her friend, nodded. He smiled sadly at her and told her that Fin was probably wondering where Celcia was at, and if she looked, it would lead her here, and not only would she find Celcia, but then she would figure something out, be it his feelings for her or the misassumption of Celcia and Access loving each other. Celcia smiled, promised not to say anything, and left to be with Fin.

Then, when they all got promoted to Jun-Tenshis, Access had been happy for Fin and Celcia, despite his outward appearance of uncaring. He had been proud that Fin, out of all of them, got promoted and was cheering for both girls in his mind. When he realized, at the same time as Fin, that Toki had also been promoted, he shook lightly but didn't say anything...until Toki had taken Fin's hair in his hand and pressed it to his lips, saying something about looking forward to his time on Earth with Fin. Access snapped then, wrapping his arms around Fin from behind and claiming her as his. And she had responded by hitting him, yelling that she was **_not_** his. He felt himself turn red then, at his outburst, and could feel Celcia's sympathy radiating from the angel. Access looked away and, when he got his chance, flew away quickly.

Celcia knew better than to come after him, but it didn't stop her from looking worriedly after her friend while Fin chatted happily with Toki.

Access didn't say goodbye to any of his angel friends the night before, while they had time to say goodbye to them. In fact, he stayed in his room the whole night, not wanting to face any of them because of his outburst with Toki. If any of them noticed, he wasn't sure, because he was sure Fin would be busy, laughing and talking with the other angels, and Toki would be busy fliriting with Fin, and Celcia would be busy getting glomped by angels. And it wasn't until he saw Fin running down the hall that he made up his mind, which had been in turmoil since his outburst, and asked her if he could talk to her when she came back from Earth. He didn't want to tell her now, because he didn't want to ruin her trip to Earth. When she agreed to hear him out, he was instantly relieved.

Which brought him to his current point of nervous wreck angel. How in the world was he supposed to tell her that he loved her when she so clearly loved Toki? He sighed and looked down. Where he was in the Pel Fruit forest made him peaceful, usually, and he was sitting in his usual plant, not eating, just tying to calm his nerves.

"Access?" He jumped about five feet and fell, face-first, out of the tree. He looked up to see Fin laughing, hiding her smile behind her hand. "Access, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He muttered, feeling himself turn red. Fin pushed a lock of her long green hair behind her ear.

"Well?" He looked at her blankly. "You wanted to talk to me. I said I would listen. So, talk." He flushed darker.

"Right." Access paused, his finger under his chin, thinking of how to put it. "Right. Um...Fin, I..." He sighed when Toki came into view.

"Fin-chan!" Toki called. Fin turned, smiling brightly at the other Jun-Tenshi. Toki landed next to Fin, turning to Access. "Hey, Access."

"Toki." Access acknowledged the other angel, then smiled softly. It felt fake, and he knew that Fin could tell it was fake from the strange way she looked at him. He bowed to them before backing away.

"Wait!" Fin called out, making Access pause and look at her. "What were you going to say, Access?" His fake smile widened, making her frown more.

"Nothing, Fin-chan." She blinked. He had gone back to the formal-ish way of calling her. "It wasn't important, so forget it. Please."

"Fin-chan," He heard as he flew away. "Fin-chan, I really like you."

It took everything in him to not cry at Toki's sudden confession. Knowing Fin's answer, he didn't stick around.

It was much, much later when there was a knocking at his door. Access rubbed at his eyes, getting rid of the tears, before opening the door to reveal Fin. He blinked, suprised.

"Fin-chan?" He said softly.

"Access, I want to keep my promise, but you're not keeping yours. That makes it hard to keep mine." Access blinked again.

"Huh?" She giggled.

"You said you had something to tell me. What is it?"

"Oh!" Access turned red again. "I...uh, you..." He sighed, remembering Toki's confession as well. "It doesn't matter, it's not important." Fin put her hands on her hips, not believing him.

"Access Time, you are everything but a liar. If it wasn't important, you would've told me before I went to Earth. Tell me, please." Access sighed again.

"It's..." He closed his eyes. "Shouldn't you be with Toki?" Fin frowned.

"Why would I be with Toki?"

"Didn't he confess earlier?"

"Yea. Well, actually, he confessed while we were on Earth." Access froze, feeling hopeless. So Toki confessed already. Why was she here then? "I turned him down."

"What?" He opened his eyes, staring at Fin with shock written all over his face. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I already love someone, and it wasn't him." Fin replied casually.

"Oh." Access felt himself gain some hope.

"Will you tell me now?" Fin asked. "What you wanted to tell me? Please?" Access smiled lightly, shrugging. Why not? He had nothing to lose.

"Fin, I-I-I love you." Access stuttered through his confession, turning bright red from the second he said 'Fin'. She didn't seem to notice, though, and was staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

"You...love....me....?" Fin repeated slowly. Access nodded.

"Which is why I've been in trouble so much, why I was always in trouble. I thought you liked Toki, and since I can't compete with an angel like him, and all I really want is for you to be happy, I had to get away from our group without actually, y'know, getting away and that seemed like the best option." He knew he was babbling, but he couldn't help it---her silence wasn't encouraging.

"Access." She cut across him in a whisper and he paused, looking at her. Fin smiled, reaching out and touching a lock of Access's long hair and bringing it to her lips, then stepping forward and hugging Access. "I love you, too, Access. You're the reason I turned down Toki." Access smiled and closed his eyes, touching Fin's hair before leaning down and kissing her softly.

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Wow. That....came out longer than expected. That's 2,000-ish words. and i'm suprised it ended---i'm really no good at writing one-shots. so, kudos to me.


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